Here is my example of what we have been trying to do with describing and edingly's. There is four stories to read with description and I hope they are good!

This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.

We have used the folllowing criteria to guide us:

• Changing the word order of a sentence
• Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and  personification
• Using specific verbs and adjectives
• Using  show, don’t tell techniques
• Using different sentence beginnings and lengths

Here are some examples of my writing this term.

Show don’t tell - Emotions

Excited: Mum strode into the party room with my present, singing the happy birthday song to me. I started getting comfy on the couch and then mum placed the large present on my lap. My voice went high and I screeched, my mouth was wide open.

Angry: Dad creeped into my room and said “Oliver, we have to give Alex away.” I felt disappointed for a second but then my face started to turn red I yelled in his face “Why do you have to give away my only friend!” Then I stomped away to my room.

Sad: Tonight after dinner I still had a BIG hole in my big belly ready for ice-cream! I skipped over to mum to ask for ice-cream, she said… NO. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as fast as a waterfall.

Writing to music

THE ORCHESTRA STEAL

The old man sneaked into the opera house undercover, as he knew people were there. He parked his truck outside ready to load it up. Creeping back stage he snatched them one by one and loaded them into the truck. In the truck they didn’t make any sound luckily. He left one back stage just because he could. “Haha now they won’t be able to do the orchestra because there is none of them!” He used his walking stick to get back to the truck. He drove off fast and skidded along the road with all of the instruments in his truck!

Music - Edvard Grieg: In the Hall of the Mountain King

The Boy - Dragging my legs along the sidewalk I was walking home from school feeling neglected from those kids that I thought were my friends, and work was so hard today. My lips are pouted and I’m playing with my zipper on my jersey. Then the boys came over and started calling me names, “hey baldy brain!” yelled out jack the bully. “Don’t call me that” I yelled back, I started sprinting away, balling my eyes out. As soon as I got home dumped my bag on the ground, Shuffling over to my bed, then just fell onto my bed like a lazy potato. The next day at school a boy came up to me and said “Hi... my name is Bob ummmm do you want to play with me?!” my mouth was open wide. “Yeah sure, thanks!” I said smiling. We both skipped off into the playground.   

Viking Girl - Show don’t tell

One dark halloween night I walked into the house earlier than needed and I start to glare at mum and say “Mum I just wanted to be a UNICORN!.” storming into my pink room my fists are clenched and I slam the door, BANG. Creeping into my room is mum, her face is pale. When she walked into my room my costume was ripped up with sharp cuts. Mum tried to calm me down but I was running around my room screaming like a maniac! I was having a ginormous temper tantrum and would not come out of my room. Mum walks in again, suddenly I see the most magical thing in the whole entire world… A UNICORN COSTUME! She gave it to me to try on, I was smiling so much I thought I had broken my jaw. Mum let me go trick or treating again, I was skipping the whole time!

By Ashlee